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What's your creepiest chatroulette story?

[Incredibly creeped out looks]

That's not funny. And my kids would not eat that food. Those kids would not eat that food. That's not funny. That is one of my all-time-least favorite stories. I'll tell you the rest of it. [Grabs stack of tissues]

I'll tell you the rest of it. [Grabs stack of tissues] I wanted to thank you for coming. I'm Erik van Helmont. And here's my Halloween trick or treater card. If you like, you can have your very own Mickey mouse hat. Maybe a little darker than the rest. Maybe a little lighter. If you like, you can have a sack full of condoms. If you like, you can have your very own full-body shot. [Smiles] [Puts dressing on] [Sighs] Sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It's just... It's just me. And I'm Martin. I love to trick or treat, and today I'm here to see Martin. Good evening, Mr. Chairman. Let's face it, the adults in this room don't live our traditions very much. You know, you don't have to travel very far to find kids trick-or-treating in full view of all of the adults in the community. And I'm talking about parents, teachers, school administrators, town managers. They see their little slice of Americana. But the adults? Well, they don't live it. They don't know what Christmas is all about.

So, I have a question for you. Have you always known Christmas, or do you find it hard to believe that anyone else does?

Well, I guess the question is, have you ever known Christmas? And the obvious thing to say to ask that question is, Yes. The question I would ask is, have you ever known New Year's Eve, or do you find it hard to believe that anyone else does?

Well, I guess the question is, have you ever known Hanukkah, or do you find it hard to believe that anyone else does?

Well, I guess the question is, have you ever known Samoan, or do you find it hard to believe that anyone else does?